Coronavirus and Hurt Feelings

You teach your parents a little epidemiology and look what happens. They make very smart decisions.

I’m supposed to be at my parent’s house in rural America right now. Instead, I’m at home. I was so worried about helping my older parents prepare for the oncoming coronavirus tsunami that I neglected to recognize what they did. Since I live and work in NYC, I am the biggest known threat to introducing coronavirus into their household.

The disruption begins

It started with a text from my mom: Check your email. What I found was a long, convoluted message that maybe, if I didn’t mind, it might be better if I rescheduled my visit. My first reaction as an epidemiologist was to become even more determined to get there NOW, because in two weeks the coronavirus epidemic in the United States will be much, much worse. Then I picked up the phone.

It turns out that my parents had made the decision several days prior to contacting me. They spent the time trying to figure out how to break it to me, without hurting my feelings. The coronavirus has no feelings. Anything that people need to do to feel safe should be respected. It has nothing to do with you. If your parents, your kids, your friends, your colleagues don’t want to be anywhere near you, your feelings shouldn’t be hurt either. If you’re the one who wants to hunker down, do not worry about hurting anyone else’s feelings.

This is what social distancing looks like.

Reach out and (don’t) touch someone

We all want to take make sure that our parents, our grandparents, our elderly or sick friends are safe and well prepared with the supplies they’ll need. What I learned is that most of them are paying close attention. The best way to help the people we love is by making sure that they have an emergency plan in place and that they remain virtually connected to others. While people may be physically alone, it’s important that they not be socially isolated. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) confirms that 69 internet service providers have signed on to the “Keep Americans Connected Pledge” for the next 60 days, regardless of their ability to pay.

I have to be honest. I knew the coronavirus was coming. I knew it was big. I’ve called it a pandemic for at least a month. However, I’ve been taken completely by surprise at the speed with which the coronavirus has hit. A month ago (it feels like year), I saw that British academics whose work I admire had estimated that the UK coronavirus epidemic would peak in late May or early June. From what we’re seeing in Italy, Spain and France, it looks like it may be much sooner. Since we don’t yet have the large-scale coronavirus testing we need to understand who, where and how many people are infected, social distancing is the best tool we have available to protect ourselves and each other.

Yesterday the CDC recommended that we cancel gatherings with 50 or more people for the next eight weeks. Compare that with yesterday’s declaration by the Austrian government. By law, there can be no gathering of more than five people (even inside homes), and the military has been mobilized to fight the coronavirus. As of Sunday, there were two reported deaths in Austria. The US had 68.

Party on!

Want to live like a Parisian? Now you can! Restaurants, gyms, cinemas, even Disneyland and other non-essential commerce are closing down, city by city, state by state, to prepare for the coronavirus pandemic. Just like in Paris! Even with this much disruption and the reality of the disaster taking place in Europe, people still don’t believe that our world is about to be turned upside down. Last night, thousands of people were celebrating at Disney World before it closed indefinitely. As I’ve said before, coronavirus loves a crowd.

How long will this last?

Initially, school closures were for two, possibly three weeks. Now institutions are closing down indefinitely. There is a huge psychological difference between two weeks and forever. The coronavirus will not go away in two weeks, and it is time to stay home. But the pandemic will end. Europeans have recently been told that they should expect massive disruption to their everyday lives for the next few months. It’s time to be honest. Europe has made a good start. Now the rest of the world needs to step up its game. We can still lessen the impact of the pandemic, while we address the immediate financial needs of our population, all of whom will be affected by this virus one way or another. We can also start preparing for the economic and psychological recovery that we’ll need when this is all over.

This article was originally published March 16, 2020 here: